We all want “Godly relationships”—the kind that are deep, supportive, and life-giving. But if we’re honest, relationships are messy. People let us down, words are spoken in haste, and offenses pile up.
This past Sunday, we began a series on the essentials of Godly relationships. If we want to live the way Jesus instructed, there is one characteristic that must define us above all others: Forgiveness.
Table of Contents
The “Prayer Slot” Grievance
I shared a story about my kids when they were younger. We were trying to teach them to apologize, but as many parents know, “I’m sorry” doesn’t always come with a change of heart. My daughter found a clever loophole. She would “forgive” her brother Ryan to save face, but then she’d take it to the Lord at the dinner table.
“God, bless this food… and while we’re here, would you also help Ryan not to be so mean? I pray he’d stop touching my toys.”
We had to make a new house rule: You cannot use the prayer slot to vocalize grievances against your siblings! It’s funny when it’s a child, but how often do we do the same thing? We say we’ve let it go, but we keep the record tucked away, ready to bring it up the next time we feel slighted.
The Math of the Kingdom
In Matthew 18:21-35, Peter asks Jesus a very practical question: “How many times shall I forgive… up to seven times?”
Peter thought he was being generous. Jewish tradition often suggested three times was sufficient. Peter doubled it and added one for good measure! But Jesus shatters the limit: “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.” The point wasn’t the number; the point was that the math of the Kingdom is infinite. Jesus then tells a parable about two debts. The first servant owed the King 10,000 bags of gold—roughly $10 billion in today’s money. It was an unpayable, astronomical debt. Yet, when the servant begged for patience, the King did the unthinkable: He canceled the entire debt.
But that same servant went out and found a man who owed him 100 silver coins—about $15,000. Still a chunk of change, but nothing compared to billions. Instead of passing on the mercy he received, he grabbed the man by the throat and demanded payment.
The Poison of the “Castle”
Most Christians aren’t counting how many times they forgive; they are counting the offenses. We don’t “forgive and forget”—we build castles of offense. We keep records of what they said and what they did.
But here is the truth: Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
When you hold onto a grudge, you aren’t hurting them; you are hurting yourself. Medical studies show that chronic unforgiveness leads to high blood pressure, weakened immunity, and depression. Physically and spiritually, the weight of a grudge makes you heavy.
Imagine trying to fulfill the Great Commission—sharing the Gospel and making disciples—while you are struggling to balance ten different “books” of offenses you’ve refused to close. You become useless for the Kingdom because your hands are too full of bitterness to hold onto the mission.
How Do We Move Forward?
Forgiveness isn’t a feeling; it’s a choice empowered by the Holy Spirit (Zechariah 4:6). If you are waiting to feel like forgiving someone, you might be waiting forever.
- Remember the Vertical Debt: We forgive because we have been forgiven a “$10 billion” debt by God through Christ (Romans 5:8).
- Go Directly to the Person: Jesus gives us the blueprint in Matthew 18:15-20. Don’t be a “trashcan” for gossip. Go to them privately.
- Drop the Weight: Realize that holding the offense is making you stagnant.
Who is on your notecard?
Who do you need to forgive? Not because what they did was “okay,” but because you refuse to be a prisoner to that debt any longer.
Our God is a forgiving God. As His people, we must be a forgiving people.
Missed the full message? You can watch the entire sermon at The Heart LA, including the “Holding Books” illustration and the full teaching on Matthew 18, by clicking the link below.